This rhyme is inspired by a stay at a hotel (which shall remain nameless). It is based on a compilation of my experiences at one or two, but mostly that one hotel, over the years. And, as I wont post a picture of the hotel, here's a cute one of me. Much better! Woof!
Ode To The Strange Hotel
The strange hotel when you arrive
Won’t ask of you, how was your drive?
Can we help with your bags?
Offer drinks? Wave some flags?
They just slink to the office to skive.
Up rickety stairways you'll climb,
Through corridors creaking and bending.
You’ll struggle in gloom,
Fail to locate your room,
The search for which seems never ending.
The bedroom itself looks quite jaded.
Though pretty, the curtains have faded.
The wallpaper too, with vertical pattern in blue,
Suggests a makeover’s really belated.
It’s a 6 minutes walk into town.
But by car, dear guest, this they won’t tell.
You’ll be stuck at the lights, until days become nights
In the traffic, the traffic from hell.
Their only restaurant is closed for the night.
You enquire at the desk and are told.
It’s on our website, there – see?
Paragraph 103!!
It won’t matter it has
stars of gold.
The strange hotel’s walls are so thin,
You’ll hear the next room breathing in.
And every snore, will become such a bore.
So don’t plan on a weekend of sin.
On arrival you did like the awning,
Under which there’ll be drink until dawning.
You’ve been kept up at night?
They won’t care for your plight,
Or the fact that you spend next day yawning.
In wakefulness, in the small hours.
While you’re staring up at the ceiling.
Unable to sleep, because noises seep,
You’ll notice each spot where paint’s peeling.
They’ll tell you it’s you are to blame
For any problem you face – what a shame.
If the car park is full (prebooked!!)
they’ll act like you are a fool.
Like, didn’t you know there’s a train??!!
The strange hotel staff never say.
Good morning, or how was your stay?
Oh, the breakfast took ages?
Who cares, we’ve got our wages.
All that matters, dear guest, is you pay.
The strange hotel staff are quite rude
And their customer care is appalling.
When they’re faced with an issue
Say, the bathroom’s no tissue.
Their response to these matters is galling.
To be honest, its really alarming,
as the building itself once was charming.
If the receptionist knew, that just one smile or two,
would lighten the mood, be disarming.
It’s like they don’t really want guests.
It’s almost to them we are pests.
And as there are far better places to stay.
Dear guests, let’s just give them their way. (woof! no stars)
